A Memory

While in college I realized that up until that point the voices I heard and was assumed to respect were the voices of predominately men. I looked at my extensive musical library consisting of hundreds of CDs and realized women’s voices were hardly there. If they were they were as backup singers or singing male songwriters song. Or as was the case of several female fronted bands, they were singing about how much they needed men. As a result of reading my feminist foremother's words I set out to consume only music written and sung by women.

During this time I became so discouraged by the fact that I was at a religious school, Principia College, that regarded "man" as synonymous with "man and woman" and I couldn't give my spiritual textbooks and writings any more wiggle room--I just didn't feel seen or heard, let alone respected. Because I knew that if men were expected to be seen and heard being addressed as "woman" they wouldn't go for it--at all. But as women, it was expected. Men are the norm after all in this culture.

Quite depressed I just stopped reading my spiritual textbook, Science and Health, even though it was written by a woman, Mary Baker Eddy. One night in college my boyfriend at the time, Randy, knocked on my door and led me next door to my best friend dorm room. It was all lit up with sparkling Christmas lights and the room was inviting and gentle to my battered heart and soul. They told me to lay down and close my eyes. What I heard next changed my life forever: Bobby McFerrin's 23rd Psalm. Tears poured out of my eyes and flowed down my cheeks as I heard feminine God exalted and praised in the most gorgeous and reverent music I had ever heard.

To this day I hear this song and tears can spring to my eyes. I played it a lot while pregnant and planned to play it while laboring. It's now one of the lullabies I play and sing for my son Parker so that he may know music that lifts up women.


Here are the complete lyrics:

The Lord is my Shepard, I have all I need,
She makes me lie down in green meadows,
Beside the still waters, She will lead.

She restores my soul, She rights my wrongs,
She leads me in a path of good things,
And fills my heart with songs.

Even though I walk, through a dark and dreary land,
There is nothing that can shake me,
She has said She won't forsake me,
I'm in her hand.

She sets a table before me, in the presence of my foes,
She anoints my head with oil,
And my cup overflows.

Surely, surely goodness and kindness will follow me,
All the days of my life,
And I will live in her house,
Forever, forever and ever.

Glory be to our Mother, and Daughter,
And to the Holy of Holies,
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be,
World, without end. Amen.

SISTER GIANT: Rousing the Sleeping Giant of American Womanhood.

From Marianne Williamson:


On February 26, 27 and 28, 2010, I will be hosting a weekend gathering called SISTER GIANT: Rousing the Sleeping Giant of American Womanhood.

This seminar/conference speaks to the role of women at this pivotal moment in history. It's a critically important time to transition from disastrous probabilities to fantastic possibilities, and women can lead the way.

If you are a woman who feels a prompting in your heart that goes something like this: "Okay, it's time. I might not be perfect, but I'm good enough. And I'm ready," then this invitation is for you.

During SISTER GIANT, we will review the historic forces that quelled the voice of the Western woman, as well as those that both challenge and invite us to speak our truth now. I hope you will come to Los Angeles on February 26th to join with other women who feel moved to both find our greatness and to do something great.

We will journey from an understanding of our history .... to a reclaiming of our personal power .... and ultimately to a vital commitment to be a powerful collective force in eradicating hunger and poverty on the planet today. It is time for us to change the world.

We will look within, and we will look without. In partnership with the RESULTS organization, we will work on forming a women's delegation to the regional Microcredit Conference in Nairobi, Kenya, in April 2010.

Sister Giant will take place at the Hilton Los Angeles Airport Hotel. The cost of the seminar will be a suggested donation of $250 but no one will be turned away for lack of funds.

Click here for registration information

Mary Daly: Death of a Radical Feminist

Radical and feminist are two terms that are synonymous in my mind. To be a feminist is to be a radical. But if there ever was a radical feminist it was the wonderful Mary Daly.

I was in college, a new feminist, all ablaze when my professor, Dr. Pamela Kaye assigned sections Gyn/Ecology. I ended up reading the entire book—devouring it. I distinctly remember the term ended and I was heading to Greece for a vacation. While beauty was all around me while riding on ferries and planes I had my nose deep her the book—I could not believe what I was reading.

Her views have always been controversial and it’s one of the reasons I love her so much and why she’s one of my sheroes. For me, being a feminist is controversial for most people. It’s like breathing air for me and yet for millions to be a feminist is so “out there.” Because of Mary’s work I never felt alone. I was comforted by the fact that there was someone else out there even more radical than me. She preached lesbian separatism, banned men from her classroom, and in general, held up women to the point of disregarding men. All of this was so thrilling to me—that this is someone out there holding this firm ground and refusing to move based on her ideals. That is inspiring to me.

In an interview with EnlightenNext magazine, she says "... I don't think about men. I really don't care about them. I'm concerned with women's capacities, which have been infinitely diminished under patriarchy. Not that they've disappeared, but they've been made subliminal. I'm concerned with women enlarging our capacities, actualizing them. So that takes all my energy ... I'm trying to name something that can only be recognized by women who are seizing back our power. But the words have been stolen from us—even though perhaps they were originally our words—they're our words, but they've been reversed and twisted and shrunken. I see myself as a pirate, plundering and smuggling back to women that which has been stolen from us."

I agree with her in theory and often not in practice and yet think it is VITAL to have people and idea like her with us on this planet.

Her re-wording on the language to make it more female centered has been I think her greatest contribution to my life. To read her work is to enter into Mary land where she re-works words and phrases and takes back slang such as “crone,” and “maven.”

She was fierce and passionate about creating a better world for women. While in college I realized that up until that point I (and most of our culture) the voices I heard and was assumed to respect were the voices of predominately men. I looked back through my educational career and could scarcely come up with a textbook or novel I had read by a woman. There were a few exceptions but that’s just the point—they were the exceptions. I also looked at my extensive musical library consisting of hundreds of CDs and realized women’s voices were hardly there. As a result of reading her work I set out to read and consume only music and text written by women. I spent the next eight years doing just that and it was quite educational experience.

So wherever you are Mary Daly—thank you for changing my life and changing the world. May the goddess be with you always. Your contributions to my life are immeasurable.

Links of interest:

An obit on Mary

Her website

Mary Daly Dies

[I plan on writing up a post later about the impact and importance of this amazing woman]

Mary Hunt sent this email through the Water list:

With a heavy heart, yet grateful beyond words for her life and work, I report that Mary Daly died this morning, January 3, 2010 in Massachusetts. She had been in poor health for the last two years.

Her contributions to feminist theology, philosophy, and theory were many, unique, and if I may say so, world-changing. She created intellectual space; she set the bar high. Even those who disagreed with her are in her debt for the challenges she offered.

When I return from vacation at week's end I will post more. But I want WATER colleagues, of which she was a stalwart one, to know this now. She always advised women to throw our lives as far as they would go. I can say without fear of exaggeration that she lived that way herself.

May her spirit soar and her ideas endure.

Mary E. Hunt
Hoechenschwand, Germany

The Power of One

Throughout my life I’ve had people assume what’s next through their questions—while dating it was, “When are you getting married?” And soon after it was, “When are you having kids?” But now that I’ve had my son I’m amazed that people are asking me when I’m having a second child. I know this is a very common phenomenon—and it’s natural to ask questions about the next phase of people’s lives but I’ve been really amazed at the brazenness of people’s assumptions about having another child.

I was always clear that I only wanted one. I would joke, “one and done” as my way of letting people know that we felt complete with one child. But lately people have become downright insistent on me having a brother or sister for my child. It shocks me how much people push the point—over and over and over again. And it’s always me who gets it, never my husband.

First, my son is enough, all by himself. He’s this amazing little boy who’s come into our life and is such a huge blessing. It feels disrespectful of him and to him to suggest that he is not enough to make a family for us. We are a family. 3 is a family. Heck, the 2 of us before having our son were a family.

Second, this notion of having another child for the sole purpose of being a play mate is ridiculous to me. Having another child should be a desire from the parents, not a present to their first child.

And finally, why do other people think they know what is best for me and my family? My favorite response when I tell people I don’t want another child is, “oh go on, you’ll love it—just wait and see” is simply nuts to me. Why would I not know what is best for me?

When I do go into my reasons for not wanting another child people find them easy to dismiss: my age (oh you’re old enough), want to focus on my son (you’ll make time enough for both—your heart expands), my career (you can have kids and a career), money (oh you’ll make do) and on it goes. I’ve decided to stop giving reasons and simply say, “I don’t want another child.” And when they press me I will respond, “Why is it so important to YOU that I have another child?”

“Great Job Mom”

Yesterday while I was out running errands I was parked in front of the library talking on the phone with a girlfriend. A mother and her two girls came leaping out of the library and onto the wet sidewalk. The oldest child (perhaps 7) was running towards the car with an armload of books when she slid on the slippery metal grate. She landed hard. My heart and body leapt! I hung up and jumped out of the car in time to get to her side. She was badly shaken and crying very hard. Her mother swept her up in her arms and began comforting.

When the little girl fell her hearing aids flew off as well. I collected them and handed them back to the mother who put them back in her daughter’s ears. I stayed close and talked to the younger child letting her know that her sister was going to be ok. I noticed she too had hearing aids. After a few minutes the child was consoled and I picked up her library books and gave them to her. I handed the mom her keys and asked if I could help load the girls in the car. While buckling them in the seat I was so moved with compassion for this mom who fiercely loved her children as much as I love mine and without hesitation I said, “You are doing a great job mom.” She thanked me with tears in her eyes and said how much she appreciated that I stopped to help. She drove off.

Before motherhood it would never have occurred to me to say such a thing to a mother but now I can relate so much to the joys and trials of motherhood that it seems so natural. Why wouldn’t I want to support my fellow mothers out there working hard to raise their children?

An hour or so later I was back home and told my husband the story and when it was done I cried. I think I cried because I am not ready to see Parker fall and hurt himself and cry so loudly that my heart aches. I know folks will say that it is only a matter of time when it will happen but I’m not ready. No parent is ever wants that for their child. We are never ready to see our children learn life’s lessons—like metal is slippery when it rains. But we can be there for our kids to help them heal and we can be there for other mom’s who are doing the same.

An Open Letter to Moms Everywhere

I've been having this ongoing conversation with my mom friends about this idea of either being a good mom or a bad mom. Inherent in the conversation is that there is no grey space whatsoever—you are either a good parent or not. From talking with my new mom friends it’s clear there is so much ancestral guilt already laid upon our shoulders if we are able to be there for our kids all the time or if we do one thing wrong. It's like we forget we are human and that if we are new moms, that we are well, new to this job and there is quite a steep learning curve. And as soon as we figure out one thing, there is something else (or many things) to master to support the growth and health of our children. My theory is that we love our kids so much that we want them to have everything we can give them as well as always get the best of us. I think the real lesson in all these conversations is that we can model "good mom" behavior by being kind and gentle and loving to ourselves. If we are able to be loving, forgiving and compassionate with ourselves with our short comings and failings, then we are imparting that gift to our children.


So let’s continue to support each other and remind ourselves that we are doing the best we can at all times and that by loving ourselves, we love our kids.

Can Things Really Get Any More Ridiculious?

Leave it to Sarah, the queen of comedy to leave us laughing and crying at the ridiculous efforts we are asked to go through all for the sake of beauty in her lastest Target Women video about beauty conTRAPtions.

Guerrilla Girls

I have been a big fan of the GG since I first learned about them while I was an intern at Ms. Magazine in the early nineties. A GG came into our offices with, well, a Gorilla mask on her head and I nearly screamed at the sight. Everywhere they go they all wear masks to make a statement that women in art are hidden from view. They tour, produce thought-provoking marketing campaigns about women in art awareness, and publish/write fantastic books. If you don't know about them, you should. They are fantastic.

This was a recent post of theirs on a women studies listserv I belong to. Check it out:

Here are some nibblets Guerrilla Girls On Tour discovered on the internet in the last 10 minutes:


. February 4th marked the 27th anniversary of Karen Carpenter's death via anexoria nervosa.

. The Biggest Loser is currently in it's 9th successful season on NBC.

. 18% of the world's population is starving, and they're not doing it on purpose.

. Paula Deen has 45,000 followers on twitter.

. Fat Camp The Musical debuted at the 2009 New York Musical Theatre Festival last month.

Are you confused? So are we.

Every time we open the refrigerator.

Jamming food into our mouths is the way our major organs continue to function. It's a good thing, but it's an awfully loaded act, isn't it? We think so too. This is why we created If You Can Stand The Heat: The History of Women and Food. In the show, we will address women's consistent anxiety around food and the body, we'll feature a handful of lady culinary heroes who contributed to the menus of our daily lives, and we'll investigate what responsibilities we have as surplus-food American citizens to the under-nourished nations in our global community. The show is a hilarious, flour-dusted, theatrically surprising stage conversation meant to dissolve fears of food borne from obliviousness and encourage freedom of the fork.

As we've toured across America, we've noted that the most pervasive issue young women want to tackle in our poster-making activism workshops is around BODY IMAGE. We realized we have a lot to talk about, a lot of work to do, and a lot of bread to knead while we do so.
The show involves 3 performers, a photo-shopped chorus of satirically charged images (per usual), and live food preparation. Spoiler alert: I wouldn't be surprised if somebody got a pie in the face.

Guerrilla Girls On Tour

Contact us: aphra@guerrillagirlsontour.com

Talk to a live Guerrilla Girl On Tour: 917-742-2973

Come visit us: http://www.ggontour.com/. We tour a variety of different shows and workshops. You can check it all out there!

Trick or Tweet us: www.twitter.com/GuerrillaGsOT

PS: We chew with our mouths open! Don't tell our moms.

Baby Blog

Yes I've gone and done it joined the mom and babe blog craze. I am really enjoying have a place to journal about our days and post pictures. If you are interested in the blog leave a note in the comment section with your email address. It's a by invitation, private blog so I'll need to add your email address so that you can see the blog.